Stu Chiesa

You've got to pick a pocket or two....

He says.....

The lads say.....

Stu has been convicted of drug running, murder, arson, theft, pillage, polygamy and treason and rightly deserves his moniker “Criminal Stu”. This guy is bad to the bone, choosing to arrive to games dressed in leathers on a powerful (by Damo’s standards) motorbike – while the rest of us arrive on the delayed 12.07pm from Paddington. The inescapable irony is that his surname is church in Italian. FCTR don’t complain however, as that because of an understanding with his parole officer, we can tick a box when it’s Lottery Grant time.

On the pitch Stu is a tenacious, gutsy, ferret of an attacking midfielder. He is a half decent passer of the ball and has a pretty good engine. He also fits in with the rest of midfield by charging up the pitch, not tracking back and whinging at the defence if they happen to concede a goal. His harshest critics would say he does not score enough goals mind. The reality is that he does not score enough intended goals – most of his tally has come from badly directed crosses.

We'd like to get a good pre-seson under our belt, but we've already ran out of notches...