Brett Lawrence

Left back, getting one over on homoerectus

He says.....

Me make fire...

The lads say.....

Beardy chubster Brett, is another one of the season 05/06 new signings. With a penchant for knitwear, Brett adds a new dimension to the upcoming range of Tilburg apparel that will hopefully soon be available from our online catalogue.

He brings not only this, but girth to an otherwise svelte team, increasing the Tilburg pack-weight by at least 14 stone. His versatility is astounding, being able to play badly at both left and right back. His marauding down either flank is aided by the fact that once he’s up to cruising speed, it takes a good 30 yards for him to slow down sufficiently enough to be able to perform a three point turn and return to his defensive duties. Looking like a cross between the Incredible Hulk and a young Rolf Harris, looks aren’t his strong point, but we’re still expecting great things from Mr Lawrence in the future.

One thing that may hold him back, is the fact he shares a dwelling with our resident ponce allocation of Grev and Keg, otherwise known as The Cuddle Brothers or The Chunder Brothers. For his own sake, we hope that Brett doesn’t get brainwashed by these two imbeciles, into thinking he is a better human being than he actually is.