Kev and Greg fancied a night in...

Kevin Smalley

The Ronnie Corbett of football "Sorry"

He says.....

'An inspiring mix of Anderton (injuries), Scholes (hair), Keane (four letter outbursts), Cascarino (dubious Irish heritage) & Gazza (booze), Smalley is perhaps the "Complete Player". After enduring a season ravaged by injuries, Smalley is now back to his best mixing last ditch tackles with sudden attacking bursts of pace & deadly passing - the only possible comparison can be Pele coming off the bench in Escape To Victory to inspire the Allied team'

The lads say.....

“Kev, or ‘Ginger Magic’ as he likes to be known, is a defender of the highest quality. That is of course when he’s available to play without an injury of some description. If it’s not his fragile soft ankles, his scabby arthritic knees, or his seriously over used right wrist (if you know what I’m getting at), he’s at Sky News watching TV … sorry…. working on a Saturday. The poor fellow didn’t have much of start to life.

Being a ginger baby, his parents obviously wanted him drowned at birth, the mid-wife seemed reluctant to do this, although she was heard saying that if she’d had a ginger sprog, she’d of put it up for medical research without a second thought. In the end, the proud Smalley parents opted for a full refund, and decided to keep little Kevin so they’d always have something to laugh about at dinner parties.

Amongst his friends, he is also known for having quite possibly the most ridiculous tattoo EVER. The ‘Shamrock’ as he likes to call it (snot splodge or lily pad as those who’ve seen it would say) was permanently etched onto his skin in homage to his Irish heritage, and being a good Irish lad, he regularly sleeps with members of his own family. This is mainly due to the fact he can’t get anyone else to feel sorry enough to participate in carnal acts (without the aid of a date rape drug).

Also, true to his Essex roots, he is a hardened Hull City fan, supporting the mighty Tigers through the bad and worse times of their seasons with the devotion of a retarded labrador.

Regents (and in particular Greg) are lucky to have such a target for ridicule on their squad to deflect some of the jollity of humiliating banter away from them.

Kevin, we thank you……………Ginger Twat'