Lloyd Burdett

Here's my card

He says.....

Age: 32

Source: Property. Corrupt Investments. Dodgy Government contracts. The Tilburg account (w Johnny Heff)

Net Worth: less than £1 Million

Hometown: London / New York

Marital Status: Single Wives are for wimps, boyfriends are for Jamie

Heroes: Gordon Gecko, Patrick Bateman, Arthur Daley, Frank from Eastenders, Boycey from Only Fools and Horses, Peter Withe.

Traded his way to fortune by pioneering risk arbitrage and dodgy Government deals. Remains one of Londons most feared red braced traders, and regularly strikes fear into defences especially his own - when he plays (rarely). Increased fortune when he bought into property, and slept his way to the top a la John Prescott, but his fitness was destroyed as a result (groin strain). Rumoured to be moving to New York to deal in futures and real estate, where he hopes to see more aggressive buying and selling with the same mania that characterized earlier hostile takeovers, mergers and acquisitions. Multiple investigations have miraculously failed, so far, to unearth any sense of wrongdoing (hes never been booked). Unabashed proponent of wealth, capitalism and corruption, "Greed is good. Greed works. Just ask evil Sven". Adheres to punishing schedule, even by management consultant standards, reviewing 100 dodgy deals a day. "Lunch is for wimps, and Harvey“ who has it 3 times a day. As for his horrid reputation: "If you need a friend, go talk horror with Jibran. One of the original members of FCTR.

The lads say.....

Treating life as though Black Wednesday didn’t happen, the Tory’s never left office, Kurt Russell was a huge box-office draw and people trusted Michael Fish’s weather predictions; Filofax clad, white Porsche driving Tilburg Chairman, Lloyd Burdett, is living in a Back To The Future alternate reality – a 1980’s throw forward. An uber-yuppie who is as ruthless as he is muscle-less, one crack of his red braces and vein-throbbing screams of “Buy, buy. Sell, sell” down his brick-like BT Cellnet mobile phone can make the most renowned businesses liquidate and “little people” expelled proving that good guys really do finish last.

Controlling Tilburg like Peter Ridsdale steadied Leeds Utd, and making Deadly Doug Ellis look like Cliff Richard, Burdett is happiest when people are in misery. He has taken more bungs than a field of Harry Redknapps and harbours delirious dreams of retiring to a tax haven to count his money.

As a pastime, between working lunches and power naps, Lloyd’s greatest debt to the excess decade is his love for polished tunes. He can often be heard muttering in and around the Tilburg changing rooms championing “Duke” by Genesis, “the rhythm of Collins and Rutherford” and humming his favourite song on his yellow cassette Sony Sports Walkman – “Simply Irresistible” by an out-of-condition sharp suited chap who died of sheer over indulgence in Geneva.

Greed is good.