As Reports 2008/09
BRILLIANT, AMAZING, EXCELLENT
As 1 OLD SUTTONIANS 1 (@ Walch Memorial Playing Fields, 4th April 2009)
Hard fought draw with a mixture of As and Bs players really battling together against a well organized Old sutts team.
First half we are under the cosh for the first 20 minutes but hold firm with some great defending by the man known only as 'Gally' even by his better half.
With 25 minutes gone after a great bit of play on the wing ,the opo are 1-0 up!!
After 35 minutes we have our first half chance a great ball by belgium Ron finds right winger for the day Deano in a bit of space in the 6 yard box alas our intrepid clubber just fails to make contact.
Just before half time we have a free kick just outside the box.Right back for the day JT going all johnny wilkinson and hitting the ball over the bar.
After an unusually calm team talk from the boss we are out for the second half.
1 change new boy Ben coming on for old stager Deano.
Again we are under pressure defence holding strong .
Stew the Cat makes a double save which had to be seen to be belived.
After 65 mins we get a half chance corner comes in and Gk hits a beuty of the shot just over the bar!
Another change young Tom Ward coming on for Pete 'the beard' after 70 mins.Special metion to the youngter who won a lot of scraps and headers which was much needed.
After 76 mins we finally get an enquliser,Free kick from Gally into the box and Mikey towers above defence to Score a great header.
Then disaster strikes,the never say die Mad Martin has one of those moments,Ball to Hand outside of the box,Penalty!!!
We all wait with baited breath,striker hits shot and it comes of the post.....
Ref blows up.
Happy days we have done enough to stay up.
After the opo graciously buy us some Pizzas most appreciated by our hungry troops especially Mikey and JT.
Man of the match:-Gally ,a truly great game defending made to look easy.All the marine trainning well worth it!!
FCTR: Todd; Thompson. Fulwood, Gall, Smalley; Deane (Nicholson), Yates, O'Brien (Ward), Schneider, Palmer; Krmadjian. Scorer: Yates
CONCENTRATING ON THE LEAGUE...
As 0 LEYTON COUNTY OLD BOYS 3 (@ Fairlop Powerleague, 14th March 2009)
As the need to be sick subsided, so the ability to concentrate on the most important 90 minutes in Tilburg's history could begin. No not the jangling nerves of the Tilburg collective, but Pat finally making it to the other side of his 30th birthday party and readying himself for the action.
Heading out to the fields, the linesman assured Tilburg that the conditions would suit our game. Had he seen us down Wandsworth way? Did he know how Mikey revelled in the treacle of the midfield? Had he seen Greg's first touch threaten a passing airplane? Was he aware that Russ played only in flip-flops? These were good omens, imagine our slight disappointment to find a perfectly flat pitch and a disturbingly young opposition playing keepie-uppie with the match ball, comfortably going past ten. A hard afternoon was in store.
But this Tilburg side revels in a challenge that even Bridgey Bet would shy away from.
Frmo the first kick we competed as Sam threatened their right back and after a few minutes even had the ball in the net as he rose highest to head home, only for the ref to call that he had knocked the 6 foot 'keeper aside with his might.
A few speculative shots from Leyton troubled nothing but the hedge at the back of the pitch, but half way in a mental two minutes swung the tie against us.
As the cross came in, a parried shot found their striker unmarked at the far post and the drilled shot found the net. Crestfallen, Tilburg could not regroup and as a longball that could have been delivered from Lawrie Sanchez addressed to John Fashnu, drifted over Rob and to their striker to glance home.
Starting over we got to half-time, under pressure but not out of it.
However the second half found the Leyton defence in no mood to give us any glimmer of hope. As we went for broke, there were more gaps at the back and eventually Leyton scored a third with an unmarked header at the far post.
A couple of chances nearly presented themselves but it was clear this would not be the underdog's day and not Tilburg's day. But it had been our cup run. All that is left was to concentrate on the league...and that hurts...
FCTR: Todd; Fulwood, Garfield, Gall, Smalley (Hoare); Krmadjian, Yates (Wainwright), Blackshaw, Donnelly; Donders.
FROM THE OFFICE OF FRED THE SHRED
As 0 ECONOMICALS 2 (@ LSE Sports Ground, 28th February 2009)
Annual Report Economicals -
A strong start to the year with aggressive moves into territory that has previously been marked by lack of successful take-overs.
Niave approach to business allowed us to secure assets for very little outlay. Bottom line of Lawrence inc threatened to see stock price go up and down, but decisive show of conviction persuaded the market.
100% aquisition.
Taking advantage of favourable market conditions, we doubled our holdings off Blackshaw's intervention.
Business slowed, so company agreed to use questionabale tactics taking out key competitors Wainwright, Weston and Donelly despite warning from FSA.
Market conditions changed rapidly as our profits threatened to turn into losses as better ran organisation establish a significant presence in our key markets.
Several times we threaten to go bust, but help arrives from state sponsored crossbar as we are threatened by small time company Krmadjian.
Second half of year again shows company under extreme pressure. Shareholders not happy and threaten to refer complaints to FSA. FSA not interested and warns several shareholders of future conduct in business.
Saved by virtue that smaller company, which had to downsize its operation due to outside pressures could not make important breakthrough.
Whilst counting the millions in my pension acknowledge to outside interests that once again bankers are bailed out and enjoy benefits that really should have been at least more equally shared amongst tax payers.
All the best
Sir Fredrick Goodwin, Economicals
FCTR: Todd; Wainwright (Palmer), Gall, Blackshaw, Lawrence; Krmadjian, Yates, Donders, Donnelly, Wilcockson, Weston.
STEP INTO MY OFFICE
As 0 CLAPHAM OLD XAVERIANS 0 (@Wandsworth Common, 21st February 2009)
Regents and Clapham old Xaverian’s meeting 21/02/09
Attendees:
Internal - Todd, Wainwright, Gall, Garfield, Smalley, Yates, Taylor, Weston, Blackshaw, Krmadjian, Donders - (attending late) Donnelly, (Observing) Thompson
External – Clapham (12) Adjudicator (1)
Minutes from last meeting:
Possible clash over company branding colours – no real issues, word of mouth / shop floor rumour – on going issue (possibly resolved by Yates next week – see AOB)
Last week’s 6-0 should act to incentivise this weeks meeting – all concerned should look forward and be ready from the get go.
1.1 – Clapham number at start of business reduced to 10 – Tilburg look to take the high ground by seizing the low hanging fruit. Outcome – mild to moderate failure.
1.2 - Weston denied strategic goal by senior management last minute intervention.
1.3 - Yates denied strategic goal, proposal headed wide of the mark – operatives approach to non work orientated goals and not living the values may have had potential impact – speak with Blackshaw regarding mid level blockages and working it through the system.
1.4 Todd asks that maximum work rate is drilled down via Smalley- request agreed but not actioned by anyone. All to action for next week.
1.5 Gall and Garfield complain tasks given as fire fighting and not really taking an holistic approach to work based problems…all agreed.
1.6 Synergy from Smalley and Taylor produces mid level result in the hot spot area –Clapham did not take the bait – opportunity missed, good work noted by Todd.
Lunch – discussions regarding pushing the envelope and avoiding blame culture. All agreed to blue sky think and to grasp the nettle following lunch.
2.0 – Donnelly arrives, apologies to all – Smalley unhappy with colleague’s tardiness and drives home the point by challenging him to become a major player
2.1 – Lull in proceedings, ball in Clapham’s court.
2.2 – Miscommunication between Gall and Todd leads to potential own goal – Adjudicator takes the heat and suspends operations…restarts with product rebirth. Todd states that in future his foot will be firmly down on the issue. No comment by all.
2.3 – Krmadjian agreed by all to not be a team player and to have taken a reactive approach rather than required proactive one. Donders and Weston unhappy that ball was dropped here- missed potential win-win situation.
2.4 – Donnelly adds value to the meeting with positive influence and stays true to the companies goals. All agreed that he is seeing the big picture.
2.5 – close call as Clapham use best practise approach to break through Tilburg silo mentality. Todd and Garfield touch base – complications avoided.
2.6 – Wainwright benchmarks opposite number throughout – value added to the business.
2.7 – Krmadjian out of the loop – performance indicators show he did not risk assess his impact just outside the box – Clapham seize initiative and run with it – Core business sustained as Todd hear’s what Clapham have to say and takes it on board.
2.8 – Blackshaw networks with Donnelly and Weston but fails to produce end result.
Adjudicator closes meeting – all unhappy with outcome.
AOB –
Yates to take home the dirty laundry – all agreed. Yates reluctant but railroaded into it. Slight worry that Yates does not have the skill set of core competencies for the task. Assured that he will be mentored through the process and will grow into the role.
Todd emphasises need for Tilburg to be a result driven organisation with Wednesday’s next in house meeting the perfect opportunity to process map strategic goals for next weekend and anyone wishing to add to the agenda for change should get on board.
Please cascade meeting minutes too all interested parties.
FCTR: Todd; Wainwright, Gall, Garfield, Smalley (Donnelly); Krmadjian, Yates, Blackshaw, Weston, Taylor; Donders.
"IT STARTED WITH A GOAL..."
As 6 OLD MAGDALENIANS 0 (@ King George's Park, 14th February 2009)
February 14th. A date that strikes a certain degree of fear into your everyday man. Not so for your average Tilburger though. Saturday February 14th meant one thing: King George's Playing Fields, Earlsfield. Cup quarter-final day.
With Mrs Tilburg dutifully despatched to the shops and a newly-wed-slightly-reformed-part-Irish-alcoholic embracing all things St Valentine on the other side of the pond, it was down to some of the real men of Planet Earth to continue the unlikeliest cup run of the millennium against Intermediate South Division leaders, Old Magdelenians, a whopping two divisions above that of the team in oranje. We feared the worst.
This scepticism was short-lived though as Maggies, demonstrating the over-generousness of a Fulwood compliment, began the game with ten men and this affection was not short-lived as they allowed Tilburg to play the expansive brand of football that had got us here in the first place. Things were looking up.
And those very things got even better soon after as GK set wing wizard Wainwright galloping down the right to put in a precision-placed sand-wedge like cross to the near post that, due to a combination of a Maggies defender, the oncoming sight of Robin’s beard and the sheer ferocity of the cross, the red-bibbed oppo keeper could do little than to prevent it going into the net. 1-0.
Like in the previous round, Tilburg were possibly starting to peak too early as we really began to hit their stride. With numbers now even, Russ was put through one on one with the keeper. Despite being 90-10 in Russ’s favour, he still managed to drag it round the keeper and slide it in from a difficult angle. A great finish. 2-0.
Another Maggies kick-off, another Tilburg attack. This time, after some nice work in the midfield, Krmadjian was put down the right and without a back heel in sight, beat his man with some excellent footwork and whipped in an inch-perfect cross for the on-rushing Blackshaw to bullet home a header for arguably the goal of the season so far.
3-0, 25 minutes gone. This was total football. With Robin caressing gently in the middle, Bridgey stroking his balls beautifully, Sam dribbling down the left, Russ sniffing out everything around the box, GK continually moaning and Mikey stalking around for any loose scraps, this was a football love affair that showed no signs of abating.
And so it continued. The greasy Yates crown flicked a left-wing throw-in from Sam on and having gambled on this chain of events, Wainwright lost his marker to send in an unstoppable header (YES, HEADER!!) from two yards. 4-0. 30 minutes gone. Time for a 15 minute rest and let the defence have a work out and Maggies a couple of attacks. Well, it is a team game after all.
A slightly deserved mild-rollicking from Edwin van der Todd at half-time meant that not for the last time that Saturday, it was all about sticking to what we know and not doing anything outrageous for the other half.
15 minutes in and Tilburg were awarded a penalty when Greg was bundled over in the box. Not wanting to avoid getting on the score sheet or let anybody else get their first hat-trick since Redhill Rangers away 19 years ago, GK showed what a team player he is by selfishly stroking the penalty home via a half-hearted outstretched goalkeepers hand. 5-0.
Safe in the knowledge that we should be able to force extra-time at least, we inevitably invited pressure on to ourselves but the defence and Stew stood firm to keep the clean sheet record intact.
With 15 minutes or so remaining, GK made it 6. A delightful goal courtesy of a Robin through ball, so I’m told, though one was only able to witness the ball expertly being lifted over the keeper from the edge of the box and watching it bounce into the roof of the net. A well deserved brace.
And so the final whistle went. There was much rejoicing and without wanting to name individuals as, another great team display was shown, special mention should go to the talismanic Rob & Gally at the back for yet another clean sheet and Russ’s link-up play and tireless running up front.
So Valentines Day 2009 had been a good one, a memorable one. Clean sheets and a semi wouldn’t have been on your everyday man’s Valentines agenda but this was no ordinary Valentines, this was a Tilburg Valentines. With love.
FCTR: Todd; Wainwright, Gall, Garfield, Taylor; Krmadjian, Yates, Blackshaw, Weston, Wilcockson; Donders. Goals: Wainwright 2, Donders, Blackshaw, Krmadjian 2 (1 pen)
DAMO STARTS. NO GOALS
As 5 CENTYMCA 0 (@ Eltham College Sports Ground, 31st January 2009)
The A’s were over in the South-East to see if they could stretch their unbeaten run to an unheard of three whole games (basically since Shane left). They were also looking to lock down their second successive clean sheet (van der Sar must be worried). Some could say the second of these was enhanced by Claire’s birthday and Stew being in the Strictly Come Dancing audience, but that couldn’t be true given ‘zero-point Smalley’ was the replacement in the sticks. Where’s Sorle when you need him?
After a smooth meet-up (we’re getting good at this), and only a minor detour via the actual Eltham halls of residence or something (lads in blazers milling about), we reached the changing rooms. Gally was two crème eggs to the good, Fish was 40mins early and hanging around in his pants as we all eagerly sat down to listen to Capt / Manager / goalie Smalley’s highly tactical team-talk; until Brett realised that a shut door wouldn’t compensated for a room with no roof. Duh!
After a quick Mental Rob warm up (‘Is anyone else fucked?’ R Donnelly) we lobbed our inventive 4-5-1-come-4-3-3 formation onto the sticky pitch for the Andy Gray clichéd ‘must win game’. And it sure was. A loss and the ‘Burg would’ve Portsmouth-ed their way into the relegation zone.
Centymca only had 10 men for the first few minutes but this seemed to work more in the Blue’s favour than the Stripes. Tilburg were a little disjointed or ‘getting used to each other’ - the technical term for sloppy shite - but as soon as both teams had the full contingent the ‘Burg grabbed the game like Mikey grabs himself on a lonely Tuesday night.
Sam and Ronan 2009 (married and low on booze) were causing all sorts of havoc and Blackshaw was meandering forward with the menace of a pantomime villain as everything went down the Centymca right. On 15mins a floated but overlong GK pass seemed to cause panic in the Centymca ranks as Disco Donnelly chased it on. The ball fell between the two comedy centre backs and Ronan nodded bravely into the net to open the scoring. 0-1.
Playing downwards on an Underhill-style gradient Centymca had the slope and force-10 gale behind them, but they could not breach the FCTR defence as Gally and Rob easily matched everything their lone forward could throw. FCTR were playing on the counter - Russ lofting a delightful chip from 25yrds falling just over the crossbar. Then, breakthrough two. Sam weaved down the left and drew a defender in allowing GK to move, collect the ball, steady, think about what was the flashest way to score only to have his back studs slip from underneath. Luckily the goalie’s legs were as open as Ulrika Jonsson’s so it was 0-2. ‘The worst finish I’ve ever seen’ was Fish’s congratulations.
Half time. And it was bloody freezing.
The second half saw Tilburg have the slope and it was turbo-charge from the off. 30 seconds gone when GK glanced a diving header wide from a great cross by Sam. The pressure was firmly on the home team as Sam and Russ narrowly missed good chances. Sam was then outrageously taken-out by their lump of a ‘keeper but the third goal came soon enough. Ronan’s corner was met by Greg’s fringe….then the Centymca no8’s hand. Tilburg said give a goal (two defenders agreed) and stop the no8 being sent off for deliberate hand ball. The ref said penalty but brandished only a yellow. Shocking! Luckily Donnelly stepped up and tucked the penalty away neatly for 0-3.
From here it was one-way traffic. Russ was unleashed and added a smart brace of well taken goals after fine work from Jamie, Sam and Ronan on all. Hell, even Pat got in on the act with a 20yrd left footer stopped by the ‘keeper but when Brett crept forward to unleash a corner flag botherer we knew the game was won.
There was even time for a late save from Smalley however given the Centymca striker was called ‘Damo’ we knew the clean sheet was in no danger at all.
FCTR: Smalley; Wainwright, Gall, Garfield, Lawrence; Krmadjian (Palmer), Blackshaw, Fisher, Donnelly, Wainwright; Donders. Goals: Krmadjian, Donnelly 2 (1 pen), Donders 2
CUP GLORY, ITV NOWHERE TO BE SEEN
As 1 OLD WHITGIFTIANS 0 (@ Old Whitgiftian Clubhouse, 24th January 2009)
Tilburg is like ITV, we have no interests in the cheap and easy moments of Cup glory, like the winning goal. We much prepare the idea that your cup glory should be earned and should be as far from glamour as can be.
One look at the Tilburg line up, would leave the observer in no doubt that it had been a few years since we had had any run-in, accidental or otherwise with glamour, and a similar glance at our performance would define hard earned.
Hoping to build on the eccentric performance of the last week, Tilburg once again faced up to Division One opposition, in quite possibly the nicest ground we've ever played on.
After admiring the view we set to busines, and that was to play with a real vigour and expanse that had the oppposition stretched left and right as we enjoyed possession and created chance after chance.
Robin, Greg, Russ, Sam and Ronan all came close to breaking the deadlock, but a mixtyre f bad luck and good goalkeeping kept it all level. It bwas somehow typical of Tilburg that our first goal came froman error, when a slack backpass allowed Robin to prod beyond the 'keeper and give us a deserved lead and Robin's second in as many games.
Then however we appeared to go to sleep for the rest of the half as te opposition enjoyed more possession and created several chances, but we reached half-time with our lead in tact, but more work to be done.
The second half was more like te first 15 minutes with Greg, Robin and Ronan being denied by the post and the 'keeper once again.
A determined defensive performance with everyone from Robin back outting their defensive shift kept Whitgiftians at bay until the last few minutes when a free kick in the last couple of minutes was saved and then te ball was swung under the crossbar but the attack was repelled to ensure that glory was Tilburg's.
CLive Tyldesly may not have been on hand to witness another cup triumph, but it didn't matter by the third pint. The Quarter-Finals beckon.
FCTR: Todd; Wainwright, Gall, Garfield, Smalley; Krmadjian, Yates (Fisher), Donnelly, Donders (Fulwood), Wilcockson; Weston. Goals: Weston
DEFENSIVELY, WE'VE BEEN SOLID
As 6 OLD TENISONIANS 6 (@ Old Tenisonains Sports Ground, 17th January 2009)
In the Vic the Wednesday before this match, a few wise old sages were muttering into their beer about how solid the Tilburg defensive unit had been the season give or take the odd result, and if only those pesky strikers could get up the park and score some sodding goals we might get somewhere.
So come that Saturday as we prepared to meet one of the divison's form team, we were confident another miserly performance could see us right. However, our worries about the front were hightened when Robin pitched up advising us he had had no sleep, but was sure he felt fine.
All our worries were cast away as, repslendent in day-glo tangerine, Sam took advantage of te glare getting in the eyes of the defence by picking up the loose ball and slipping it home for the lead.
Then the not so much the roof caved in, as was swept away never to be seen again. In a fifteen minute spell that saw Tilburg give a very convincing performance as the Portsmouth defesive line, we amazingly shipped three of the worse goals ever. Slips, spills, defelctions were all here as the oppo took control of the game.
But back we came, firstly, a long ball was missed by the defence and allowed Greg to slip beyond the full back and meet Sam's cut back to thump home his first goal since playing on the same ground on the first game of the season.
But there was more, as Sam picked up the ball on the left he twisted the full back this way and that before reaching the by-line and lofting a perfectly wieghted cross onto Robin's napping bonce, and he guided the ball past the 'keeper into the top left for his first of the season.
Parity going into half time, the team-talk was based around the familiar "keep it tight", "no silly mistakes"...
4-3 down after 2 minutes of the second half the As had to start again but we once again drew level as Greg picked up the ball from the right and scored. However, we soon conceded a further two goals as we left our defensive duties standing at the bar. But we were not done.
Finally buckling down at the back we won a free kick after Kev's knee was knocked onto the railway line. Ronan, displaying an amazing quickness of thought that most would presume 12 pints the previous night would dull, slipped the free kick in behind a still organising back four where Russ beat the oncoming 'keeper to reduce the deficit.
As the game ticked down we earned another corner that fel to Dan, making his As debut, and from the edge of the box, falling to his less favoured right, Dan smashed it home off the far post. 6-6 with seconds to go. An improbable result saved. All we had to do was keep it tight for the last few seconds.
So it was somehow apt, in those final moments to see our two centre backs the furthest Tilburgers up the field when the ref brought this ridiculous 90 minutes to an end. Defences on top.
FCTR: Todd; Smalley, Garfield, Fulwood, Lawrence (Luketic); Krmadjian, Yates, Donnelly, Donders, Wilcockson; Weston. Goals: Wilcockson, Weston, Krmadjian 2, Donders, Luketic
WE USE STREETMAP.CO.GK
As 3 WITAN 3 (@ Raynes Playing Fields, 22nd November 2008)
A man who wears bright red boots for the heat of battle in the Amateur Football Combination is a man to be trusted.
But as we gingerly walked through Raynes searching out our venue after following GK's emphatic "we're here" and then having to take up his "erm maybe not", we bagan to wonder if this was wise.
Finally, 20 minutes late, we arrived at the right ground and left Greg to brush up on London with a Collins AtoZ as we took on Witan.
One man who was also lost was Pat, who somehow found himself in the opposition half exchanhing an unlikely one-two with Shane. Running into the box, Pat then took out the concern of a decision by playing the ball to close to the 'keeper and then ploughig through him to knock home his first goal of the season.
Our shock was palpable, so much so we let their striker strole through to equalise a few minutes later.
But we weren't finished, and the finding of unlikely heroes continued as Kev controled the ball to find himself in an excellent shooting position, which he would normally stick somewhere between the goal and the Brighton coast. Imagine our surprise as he calmly slotted the ball into the net. 2-1.
But it couldn't last and on the stroke of half-time Witan equalised with a rocket from the edge of the box, and Tilburg still reeling from Wainwright and Smalley being on the scoresheet, slipped a third at the start of the second half, when the Witan winger slipped between Gally's legs and crossed for a simple score.
Tilburg then laid seige to the Witan goal. Camped in their half (mainly because Mikey couldn't find the energy to get out of it) we threw all we could at them, just not at their goal as Kev, Greg, Stevie and Shane all saw efforts sail high and wide and wide and wide...
We knew all was lost when on the 90 minute mark Kev crossed from the left and Pat, essentially under the oppos bar, amazingly managed to head the ball clear.
As the ref warned 30 seconds left, Fish fired in the last corner of the day, with even Stew in the box to try and create confusion, but only confusing himself, the ball fell to a Tilburg boot, fortunatly it was not one of our "strikers" or Kev and Shane thumped home a deserved equaliser right at the death.
The only problem now was how would GK get us all home?
FCTR: Todd; Wainwright, Fulwood, Garfield, Gall; Hoare (Palmer), Fisher, Yates, Fitzpatrick; Donders (Krmadjian). Goals: Wainwright, Smalley, Fitzpatrick
WE LAUGH IN THE FACE OF CRAMP
As 2 REIGATIANS 1 (@ Priesthill Playing Fields, 15th November 2008)
The long train journey to Reigate was notable only for Martin's admission that he was missing the Chelsea match and the Haye fight in order to go to the theatre to see Rainman. Imagine the irony when Tilburg arrived at the ground to the surprising sight of no rain. Go on...imagine it!
Anyway. The team line-up had an unfamiliar look to it. Kev in goal, Gally left back, a central midfield trio of a fighting fit Michael Yates (more on this later), Fish and Pete. Right from the start Tilburg were getting stuck into challenges, with the midfield winning the majority of loose balls. Ten minutes in, Donders released Lee down the right. Looking up he saw Yates in the middle, but worrying that he may get cramp if asked to jump for a high ball, Lee sent in a skidding cross along the ground. Such was the precision of the cross that it evaded two defenders and the goalkeeper before striking an outstretched boot. Given such pin-point accuracy, even someone with a complete lack of co-ordination would have found it hard not to score.*
The remainder of the first half followed a similar pattern, but Tilburg couldn't get a further breakthrough, a slice by Wilcockson when 1 on 1 making sure of that, while a piece of sloppiness in defence allowed Reigate a snapshot which Kev got down to well.
Reigate went out all guns blazing in the second half, and Tilburg started to worry about their tiring midfield trio that had been working so hard. Wave after wave of attacks came at the Tilburg goal, leading to a few crazy goalmouth scrambles. Substitutions were made to give new impetus to the Tilburg retreat. On came Belgian, Stevie P and Greg. With 10 minutes remaining an innocuous looking long ball was played over the top to the Reigate left winger. It looked for all the world like offside, but play went on and cross led to goal. After this, play went back and forth, and both teams hit the crossbar, but it was going to extra time, with no subs left, and midfield pastry muncher Yates having played 90 minutes already. Bugger.
Reigate were getting tired. You could tell because Martin was outpacing them. They certainly couldn't be bothered chasing the Tilburg sub 12ers Sam and Stevie, choosing to hack at them each time. What a mistake. From one such foul, Sam picked himself up and sent over a cross to the far post. Like a quality savile row suit, it was made to measure, and it hit a Tilburg boot before nestling in the corner of the net. At least I think it did, it may have come off the defender.* The last 20 minutes flew by in no time, with a GK miss from 6 yards reserving page 376 in the Tilburg "He must score..." scrapbook. In the end Tilburg held strong to record their second cup victory of the season.
Not one to shy away from praise, Yates was seen looking for Garth Crooks after the match to pick up his bottle of Carling champagne, and reveal the secret fitness programme that allowed him to pounce on loose balls like an irritating kitten in the 120th minute of a game. Sadly Garth was unavailable, so unlike Tony the Tiger, I can reveal the secret fitness formula here. Cramp is now a thing of the past!
*Mikey scored (if he hasn't already told you)
FCTR: Smalley; Lee, Fulwood, Garfield, Gall; Wilcockson, Fisher (Krmadjian), Yates, O'Brien (Schneider), Weston (Palmer); Donders. Goals: Yates (2)
THE MAGIC OF REMI MOSES
As 3 OLD SEDCOPIANS 1 (@ Wandsworth Common, 18th October 2008)
Saturday 18th October 2008. A day of raw tension and excitement for all ‘Burgers. At last, after four arduous weeks on the road, the A’s were finally back home where they belonged at the Theatre of Wandsworth. However, not only that but there was a smell in the air, a smell that had not been smelt since 2:59pm on a crisp January afternoon on the English Riviera in 1984 as the lowly AFC Bournemouth locked horns with the might of Remi Moses’ & co Manchester United. Yes, ladies and gents, cup fever was in the air!
In the changing room, this magic aroma was inter-twined with a sniff of an upset as Tilburg were paired up against unbeaten opposition from the division above however, this smell was to quickly evaporate as the unwashed shin pads gradually made their way out of the kit bags.
With the aforementioned cup fever and potential upset having returned to the lungs as the boys raced on to the field, events started taking a turn for the worse. The realisation as to why ‘worthers pay the lowest council tax was all too apparent with the consistent nature of the pitch not having changed from the previous season, thus forcing Tilburg to abandon the preferred tactics of pass and move out wide and to instead revert back to our usual lumping forward from the back and hoping for the best.
With the oppo resplendent in their QPR hockey top hoops, the clash of kits was added to the list of post-match excuses and much like a Fitzpatrick fashion faux pas (paux fas, Martin), these excuses were now coming thick and fast as the defence realised that they were in for a torrid run around with a couple of whipper snappers up front.
Worse was to come however, due to a lack of referees, a man in black had to be found and that man, was Greg Krmadjian.
And so to the game (at long last I hear thee cry), with Stevie P encouraging from the touchline, Tilburg launched an immediate attack down the left, resulting in a low cross to the near post. Our very own(ly) whippersnapper Wilcockson gambled from the right wing, got in front of his marker and was there to duly slam the ball home from two yards. Tilburg One-N……but no, tease us he did with some Jon Sargeant-like footwork to eventually scramble it in from two yards. A finish that even £5m man Ade Akinbiyi admitted to me after the game ”I would have been ashamed of that one”.
Nonetheless, ‘Ga Tiburr!’ screamed Stevie as Tilburg took a somewhat unexpected 1-0 lead though the ‘whinger’ became the ‘whingee with the whistle’ as their linesman had flagged for offside. However, Greg had correctly decided that Sam was involved in the 7th phase of play which could not be classed as offside as Stew had not been offside when the throw was taken by their left back………or something like that.
With post-match excuses now brushed aside, we were now in unchartered territory in that we were in with a chance of winning a cup match.
Old Whatstheirnameonians (Dorking) duly came back into the match though and it became backs to the wall stuff for a good 15 minutes as some resolute defending, a bit of help from Rick O’Shea and some talismanlike set-piece defending from the rabid Gally, Dorking couldn’t break us down……..until our very own Kryptonite, the defence splitting pass, resulted in their equaliser. 1-1. ‘Ah na Tiburr’, mused Stevie.
With Brett manfully getting some minutes under his belt with the flag and the moving vehicles along Bollingbroke Grove, Tilburg created a further chance and as he’d tried to do all afternoon, Shane finally managed to thread a ball through to Sam who had either just relieved his bowels at the side of the pitch or had rocket fuel in those Greek legs of his as he somehow got to the ball before the keeper but saw his effort go agonisingly wide.
So 1-1 at the break with spirits high after a workmanlike first half. A change in personnel saw Russ being substituted for the referee and Brett taking the dreaded whistle and jacket though the whistle did seem to do a bit of a vanishing act for the next 45 minutes ;-)
With a splash of lucozade and deep heat, Tilburg came roaring out the blocks for the 2nd half. A training ground throw-in routine, exquisitely executed by Patrick on to the back of Kevin’s greasy head, resulted in the ball landing at the feet of our very own Andy Cap around the penalty spot and there was only going to be one outcome……but unlike the previous week, Shane decided to slam it in to the back of the net. ‘Ga Tibur go!’ screamed a delighted Stevie. 2-1.
And not much like the best Spice Girls song ever, 2 became 3 soon after as another one of Ronan’s excellent set-pieces landed on Shane’s forehead to plant the ball into the roof of the net. 3-1. Stevie was most pleased.
From then on, with half an hour left the game ebbed and flowed with chances coming at both ends, Tilburg remained in control despite a couple of hairy moments. The Brylcreem boys worked famously in tandem in the centre of the park and with Rob encouraging Martin in that loveable way that he only knows, the two of them and Gally sniffed out any Dorking attacks with some never say die defending, Tilburg cruised to the final whistle and victory was ours. A cup victory, one to truly savour and one to go down in folklore. Our ball was into the velvet bag.
*Couple of points to mention. Thanks to Greg, Brett & Russ for taking on the thankless task of officiating. Tilburg bias was certainly something they could not be accused of.
Robin has now gone 5 games without scoring
FCTR: Todd; Gall, Fullwood, Garfield, Wainwright; Wilcockson, Smalley, Fitzpatrick, Donnelly; Weston (Palmer), Donders (Krmadjian). Goals: Willcockson, Fitzpatrick (2)
ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN GOAL LINE
As 0 CENTYMCA 0 (@ Roehampton Pitches, 11th October 2008)
A beautiful day in the bourgeois principality of Roehampton could mean only one thing. All the nutters at The Priory would be let outside for the day to enjoy the sunshine. Some would watch the squirrels collecting nuts while marvelling at the God given beauty of the crisp Autumn morning. Others would sit in the sun scratching themselves. One man had another plan. He was going to put his recurring military nightmares behind him by refereeing a local football match where he would be able to see 22 players at the peak of their physical fitness go at one another in a different battle of hearts, minds and skill.
Meanwhile, due to a turfwar brought about by a gypsy uprising, Tilburg were pondering the prospect of another home match away from Fortress Common. They duly arrived in leafy Roehampton with thoughts of recording a win against bottom of the league village people Centymca very much on their minds.
Nice day soon turned to slice day for Tilburg. There were right-footed slices, left-footed slices, a slice of luck, and one or two slices of misfortune. All that was missing was Mikey and his Mr. Kipling's. While the Tilburg slice-off competition took shape, Centymca played to the strengths and mobility of their forward men, knocking it long and allowing their main threat to come from a sliced Tilburg clearance.
Stalemate was lingering like Russ at the entrance to Infernos. While Tilburg laboured with their final ball, the odd mistake at the back threatened to let the YMCA boys in. On one occasion their striker shot straight at Stew when a square ball would surely have been a better option. It was up to Martin to pull him to one side and give him a few words of advice he'd once heard:
"No man does it all by himself. I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf, I said, young man, you can make real your dreams. But you got to know this one thing..."
We all know the rest. 0-0 at the final whistle. Suffice to say that back in the school changing rooms the YMCA boys were disappointed to find that they could neither get themselves cleaned nor have a good meal.
The final word comes direct from the referee's report:
"As the last moments of the match approached I mentioned that there were under 5 minutes left. I don't like to be too specific at times like this. An unholy fracas then broke out between a tommy and an unruly Australian convict type. Not since the battle of the Somme have I seen such violence - why they nearly traded blows, and it wasn't queensbury rules i tell you!
For a moment I was transported many decades back to the battlefield, blowing my whistle so the men could make one last push for that 10 yards of mud we'd had our eyes on. Before realising what I'd done, it occured to me that it could be mistaken for the three shrill blasts that signal the end of a football match. So there it was. A jolly entertaining 87 minutes of football - and a good job too as the old C-bag was getting rather full!"
FCTR: Todd; Lee, Fulwood, Garfield, Wainwright; Krmadjian, Gall (Donnelly), Fitzpatrick, Smalley; Weston, Donders
20%, 50% WE GIVE IT ALL
As 1 ECONOMICALS 0 (@ King George's Park, 27th September 2008)
'Where's the boss?'
10 minutes away,'can we have 5 minutes grace'-ref' you've had 15 already'
cries of who fancies playing till the boss comes,new boy tom ward 'i'll give it a go,cant take goal kicks though' not heard that one before....
game starts and were off.
5 minutes later ,the boss turns up and it's buisness as usual.
Were under the pressure the whole of the first half,stew making 2 point blank saves.Tilburg have one chance greg turns his defender with some aplomb and hits wide.
half time comes and bridgey comes off replaced by mike anthony,the opo note he skies the ball everytime hes near it ,after which our young motomouth hits a fearsome shot which there keeper just tips away. Again where under pressure from corners especially ,stew the cat todd again makes some amazing saves and we are holding on.
Suddenly russ has the ball ,passes his defender quickly and hits a beauty of a shot-1 0 COME ON....
Micheal yates trots off on and on comes tom again without ref noticing he was in goal earlier.
Ronans asked to play at left back,the madness!!and does a great job winning headers and tackles like a pro.
Untill the last minute were under pressure but hold on job done.3 points on the board.
Special mention to young stevie palmer at right back who had a great game,putting in some tough tackles and really stepping up .Also to skipper for the day shane who worked his socks off in the middle .
We've had the stella end,now new generation coming through ,THE CRECHE END'-MR TODD,MURRAY,MAMA TO BE KATE PAPPA TO BE ROBIN AND THE FAMOUS SALLY.making for great support and bringing a family atmosphere to the club.
Roll on the next game..
FCTR: Todd; Palmer, Lee, Fulwood, Taylor (Anthony); Hoare, Yates (Ward), Fitzpatrick, Donnelly; Donders, Krmadjian. Goals: Donders
OLD - IT'S THE NEW YOUNG
As 2 OLD TENISONIANS 2 (@ Old Tenisonians Sports Ground, 20th September 2008)
IF THE MORNING of the new season promised much, the lunchtime of the new season seemed to offer something different.
As Tilburg made its way off the train and to the ground there was a palpable sense of concern at the tempreture guage hitting the mid 20s. This was not in the plan. With a team that had last seen the mid-20s three of four years ago, the prospect of heaving our weary limbs around a football pitch whilst the sun beat down like some sort of Spanish summer afternoon, was not "warmly" welcomed.
Nevermind. This Old Tenisonians III will surely be an older team wont they? The younger bucks being held back for the 1st or 2nd team? Imagine our joy further when the OTs were a sprightly bunch of kids who surely would have brought the oppositions name into some sort disrepute. If this was Old, it was not the Old that we knew.
However, these barriers aside, Tilburg started the new season with purpose and flair as they took the game to OT. Building on a solid defence, our brand of football soon started to make a difference as we stretched the Old ones left and right. Greg and Robin peppering the goal, the 'keeper threatening to drop one in the net.
What we required was some flare to break down the barrier, but none was forthcoming, instead it was crassness that stole the show, as Greg's bright red Nikes got in on the action thumping home from an improbable angle the lead. This was soon followed up by Shane's smashing home the second with swing of his more sombrely clad left foot. 2-0 up within minutes and so it remained til half-time.
Changes had to be made as Robin was forced to give way with some painful groin-knack. The stress of a morning at the NCT priving too much for a man whose muscles are more fragile than the hopes of economic cheer.
The second half saw the Old youngester gain a foothold, dominating more possession, but still Tilburg had the cleared chances as Greg, Shane and Kev tried to extend the lead further. But we were rocked back when Sam, skinning his full back with such frequency he had earned naming rights was branded an "old man" by his wheezing opposite.
Shocked by the slur, we conceeded as the referee missed a moment of improvides Alan Iverson from the midfield before a goal was pulled back. As we held on grimly, the combination of high tempretures, the youth of the opposition and the thought of a beer proved too much as a foul on the edge of box saw the opposition draw level with seconds to go.
A chance to claw back the win narrowly passed us by as Bridgey's header sailed just past from yet another cross from Sam and the referee called a halt to proceedings, allowing Tilburg to gingerly head for the exits, sunburnt and tired.
FCTR: Todd; Gall, Garfield, Fulwood, Taylor; Wilcockson, Smalley, Fitzpatrick, Donnelly (Ward); Weston (Wainwright), Karmadjian. Goals: Krmadjian, Fitzpatrick.
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Next FCTR Fixtures
5th December 2009
AFC Division Two South
As v: Economicals III
KO: 2:00PM
@ KGP
AFC Division Nine South
Bees v: Old St Marys III
KO: 2:00PM
@ Wandsworth Common (tbc)
